WoT pencil pages (drafts)

Hello! I realize that although the script is still being worked on, I got impatient (haha, sorry, =w=; ) so I just sort of...started. =w= Forgive me?

So while I'm catching up on my pencilling, I will first show the first 10 pages of the comic (stretched out from the original first 8 pages that pitoli wrote) as how I think it could run, given thoughts on pacing and paneling. Feedback would be really nice!

***please refer to original script for dialogue***

Page 1:

Page 2:

Page 3: (and potential title page?)

Page 4:

Page 5:

Page 6:

Page 7:

Page 8:

Page 9: (oho! A chance encounter! =w=)

Page 10:


And here are the links to the pages for slightly larger versions:
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10

I was going to write down everything I changed from the original script, but I figured that it's quite easy to figure out once you compare this with the original. I changed some panels, stretched out the pages, and changed some of the actions in the panels. Please tell me if this works, what you don't understand, what you think should be changed, so that I can fix and continue. Since I realize that everyone's so busy (and so will I come the next weeks), I also realize that many of the you will not be able to work on this. Should I go ahead and take the liberty of changing the script around? =n= <? Pitoli~~~ I must talk to you~~Where are you? :0

OMGOGMJDSKHJSAHJKSHJKHJKDJKDHJKDJK

Your hand is so sexy. I'm glad RyuzukokokokoKOKOOKOK chose you as a Penciler. I think your awesome at paneling and and I can tell what is going on in every panel. I loved it all.

He also just said: * ryuuenis proud of DUWP's penciller

Which is a copy and paste from a chat I am in with him. I feel proud too. ;___;

I can't wait to see more!

First of all.... Wow, just wow.
this is amazing. I think I'll just give you a go and sketch all those with out the script (coz pretty much I know you know what you're doing, right? )

Ok, critiques:

Page 3:
Frankly the composition of the pic is ok, but Dai looks bigger than the rest of the crowd. His perrspective looks wonky too.

Page 5, 2nd to the last panel:
Change that view. it looks too the same with Page 6's panel 1 and 4. If possible, exaggerate the pose/expression so that we can really feel what's about to happen in the panel.

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If you have any questions or if you need right-away comments, I'm usually to always in my chatroom ( http://chat.deviantart.com/chat/RyuuenChat )
You can visit me there anytime of the day. ( Except saturday mornings, I have classes. )

Thisss is AMAZING. The art, the expressions, the backgrounds... The panels, the formatting of the whole thing. Absolutely brilliant!
I think there isn't much to be changed, except for the things that Ryuuen mentioned.
Can't wait to see more from you!

Oh, Lushan, you amaze me.

-worships-

I'm sorry I've sort of been lurking around for...well, a really long time. I plan to post the completed edited script in the next few days. But of course feel free to take artistic liberties if you need to (when my ideas just suck...lol.)

I just wanted to mention one thing about the opening pages. Originally what I had in mind for the setting was a dimly-lit funeary home sort of thing, while you drew it outside. This is because I was initially thinking of a wake, which is pretty much a vigil over a person's corpse. The way I wrote the script, I was very much trying to set a somber tone for the rest of the story.

I dunno if that would affect the overall mood, an interior vs. exterior scene. I like how you decided to put it outside - I think the whole wind blowing through the area adds angst and drama. Please consider it though.

Awww~ lol! I'm glad everyone likes this. :3

So, yes. Okay, I've thought over some ways to try and revamp the opening, and I've decided to redo the pages, and deviate a bit more for the intros of Dai and Rain (Thanks ryuuen for the pose crit! I will keep them in mind). Just a tad, I hope that's ok. I've thought about what you have said, pitoli, and I like the whole interior vs. exterior transition, so I'm going to redo the funeral to be inside. I am planning on adding extra landscape scenes by placing the opening funeral in a church, and have this church become the fourth landscape that will help me to differentiate between times (the others being the wall, the ocean, and the battlefield). And because I'm adding in new scenery, I'm going to alter Dai's intro a little. I can't really explain very well, so I hope that once I get another opening set drawn, I'll post them here. So I guess...you will see. >D Dun-dun-duuun!

But is the pacing ok? Is it a bit slow? =w=? Designs ok? I'm not much of a fashion expert, but I wanted to create a sense of a period that was in the middle of modern and tradition, not too advanced, yet, not too not advanced. ...=w=;...I sound really dumb right now, sorry. Since they're still in a period of arrows and swords, I couldn't exactly bring in anything too tech-savvy. If you have any dresses or clothes that you wish to see in the manga, please tell me! >w<

And pitoli, your ideas do NOT suck. =P My ideas are bounced off of yours, so they are definitely worth it. :3
I am eagerly anticipating the final part! xD

Holy crap, dude, I agree with everyone here: you're a mad penciller.

My favorite shots are of Dai crying. They're very expressive. It's not overly dramatized, and he looks just like a mourning friend - exactly how I imagined him looking.

Another agreement with the group here that I can't wait to see more! :]

I take bak on what I said about the script xD
The edited script will be posted in a few days time, since I already resolved the problem on the delay with the editing.

And, I agree with pitoli's idea. I think an interior setting will give a more somber, saddening feeling to the scenes in the opening. Now that I've reviewed the pages for more than 10 times, I noticed that the mood that's given in these scenes are more peaceful than depressing (this is because the 'sky' gives this feeling, and the spaces.) I think a dimly lit confined space would give the mood better.

In other things, if you can condense page 5 and 6 into one page, it would be better for the pacing. And also because they're also showing the same thing, I don't think we need 2 pages to get the point across on what Dai is doing.




Character design sheets will be posted soon. If you're going to redo the roughs, please refer to them when they're ready.

I'm also thinking to be the inker of these project, because most of our inkers (to no offense) lacks the "delicate" feel the project should have in their lines. I want to know your opinions about this.




(ahhh... we finally feel like a prod =w=;; even a little )

I read the epilogue - >A< SO SAD, OMG TuT. pitoli did a wonderful job~~~<3

Interior it shall be! I'll refer to the character refs when you get them up! If I were to combine pages 5 and 6, do you mind if I delete some of the frames and combine some panels? And YAY! You're inker~! xD I'll try to be neat. :]

(a little, haha)

I bring to you Furu's feedback (copy pasted via email)

Thank you for sending me the WoT draft linklink<333 o///o It looks so wonderful<33333333333333333333333333333 *admires Lushan lotslots*

Though hmmm…o_o is there any way to draw some tears on the other people after Dai cries? - because his job is to bring out tears.

And for the interior-exterior thing…o_o would it be okay….<_< to add a candle? I've always imagined Dai crying…then you suddenly see a candle, with a bit of melted wax sliding down…then tears from everyone else starting to fall, too.

Rain is so <333333333333333333333333

WOAH. JUST WOAH. I will be proud to ink something like this if I get the job.

One word: wow! It's late here, and everyone has pretty much already said what I wanted to say, but this is... just whoa! Your work looks really professional. This will be great, once it's completed. (As I said earlier, just tell me if there's anything I can do now that I've finally gotten my password back...)